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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Not as Easy

Well, so far all the feeling terrible is paying off because I'm 9 weeks pregnant.  Unfortunately it looks like this one isn't going to be as simple as the one early this year.  I had high hopes that maybe something was different that caused my hallucinations to be pretty much gone while I was pregnant.  But no.  They're still here and more annoying than ever.

I'm terrified of how this is going to affect me down the road if this pregnancy continues.  I see my therapist tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it, but I really want to try and avoid the anti-psychotics as long as possible.

My anxiety has been pretty high, but I've been able to deal with it so far.  I'm really really hoping to stay out of the hospital this time.  Although, if it comes down to it, I am a little more comfortable with going now that the shit doctor is gone and my old psychiatrist has replaced him.  So there's that.

Morning sickness has been kicking my ass lately.  Looking in my purse is just comical.  I've got a few barf bags I stole from the hospital, a thing of tums, some glucose tabs, a bottle of Zantac, a bottle of Phenergan, an assortment of candy scattered in the bottom, tooth brush, tooth paste, mouthwash, and a small reusable grocery bag.  I feel more like I'm carrying a fancy first aid kit. 

I have what my doctor is guessing is probably a broken rib (yes, again) from vomiting.  It hurts so much more than the upper one this summer.  It hurts when I breath, when I laugh, if I move wrong.  It sucks.

I'm doing my best to eat anything and keep fluids down, but I'm failing pretty miserably.  I've lost another 4 lbs since the weekend and I have a feeling it's all water weight from dehydration.  I'm going to call my doctor in the morning to see what I should do.  I'm just really hoping I can make it the hour or more drive to my appt tomorrow.

I'm out of things to say so I'll shut up now.