Wednesday, April 30, 2014

It had to happen.

My car broke down. We're on our way to the auto parts store now. Hopefully it's an easy/cheap fix!

Friday, April 25, 2014

So close!

We've been working ourselves way too much this last week trying to get everything taken care of. We're both so incredibly exhausted and just ready to leave.

We decided to ship some things, mostly clothes and books, so I packed the boxes a couple days ago. Yesterday? Some time before today. Then tonight I decided we were bringing too much stuff we didn't need, because there wasn't even room for the towels! I was way more irritated about this than was reasonable. I really need sleep.

So, of course, the only logical solution to this is to unpack all 3 boxes and go through everything to decide what we actually need to pack. I really shouldn't have packed them before we had everything accounted for in the first place, but oh well. I'm sure we kept a lot of clothes that are old and worn out that we had no reason to keep just because we weren't paying attention. 

Tomorrow we're going to drop off the other car, full of stuff we're not taking with us, at my in-laws. Hopefully after that it will clear out enough that we can easily move around again! I feel like I'm going to trip and fall every time I even look at the living room. Today we dropped off 5 bags of stuff at the DAV thrift and a multicolored strobe light (fucking strobe light) at Goodwill. Yesterday we dropped off 2 or 3 bags. I already have 2 more ready to go. GET RID OF EVERYTHING!

Anyways, I really want to get pretty much everything done tomorrow because Sunday we made plans with pretty much everyone we know to see one last time. So our day is pretty packed. The goal is still to leave Monday morning, but as it's getting closer I think Tuesday is more likely. We'll see.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Only 4 more days!

It's really getting to crunch time now. We found out that Amtrak ships packages for super fucking cheap so we're shipping all our clothes,  linens, and books that way. Unfortunately, the station (2 hrs away) is only open from 11p to 6:45a Thursday-Sunday and 11p to 2p Monday-Wednesday. So now we get to bribe someone to ship them for us because I'm not driving that far in the middle of the night, and we're leaving Monday morning. But at least it frees up room so we should be able to keep the cab pretty open for whatever we want to use while on the road.

We started packing the trunk already, and it seems like we're going to manage to get most of it to fit. I'm even able to keep a lot of my glassware! Though I am having to get rid of pretty much everything else. But glass is fucking expensive, so I was not looking forward to having to replace all that.

Shit is getting very real right now and I'm kind of freaking out. I've been having a lot of panic attacks and I'm really hoping that once we leave they will stop. I really do not want to get stuck in a hospital in the middle of this trip. Or at the end for that matter, but middle would be worse.

I'm so exhausted and sore all the time right now and I just want to be done with it all. I want to be on the road with no real destination and just be able to do whatever the fuck we feel like. I'm tempted to start counting down in hours.

Monday, April 21, 2014

So much pain.

Holy fuck I forgot how much it hurts when I do too much! I've been really good about limiting myself for the last year or so so I could stop taking all my pain meds and still manage to get out of bed without assistance. But after the crazy weekend, today I was stuck in bed until my husband could help me get up. It was awful. I'm sure the weather isn't helping any, but still. I'm definitely going to have to be more careful about what I choose to do.

I want to get it all cleaned and packed and ready to go RIGHT NOW, but obviously that's not happening. All the furniture is gone and all that's left is small things and cleaning the apartment before we leave. But it's still a lot of little things. We have 5-10 days before we're officially out of time, so I'm going to try my best to relax a bit and not overdo it.

However, this has all made me realize that maybe I'm not as capable of staying off all pain meds as I previously thought. I mean, I've not really been doing that much I didn't think. I've still been paying attention and limiting what all I do. But I really am just not capable of doing as much as I thought I could. Once we move to a place where I might actually want to get out and do things I'm probably going to have to get at least an as needed pain med of some sort. Just feels like admitting defeat.

I was so proud of myself for being able to go off of them in the first place, but looking back, I think the only reason I was able to be off of them for so long is because I didn't do jack shit with my life. Other than my 60 minutes a day of walking and general house cleaning I really don't do much of anything else. That has to change. I don't care if I have to be on pain meds and how much it feels like defeat, I really need to be more active. I want my life back.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Pretty Splints!

I was looking at finger splints to help deal with my pain and came across these that are actually metal instead of super ugly and medical looking.
 So I got curious and started looking and found this jewelry company (Fraser Hart) that customizes the splints with gems to make them even less medical looking!

Of course, I'll have to wait until after the move and get settled in before I can get them. But at least there's potential. I'm thinking I'll probably just find a local jeweler to custom make some for me because most of the ones like the first picture are sterling silver and I eat through that shit in a matter of hours. So we'll see. Hopefully it won't cost too much. But I already have a couple loose opals from when we had our wedding rings made (I ordered them and then changed my mind).

Oh well. Guess plastic will have to do for now.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Let's call it training?

Our AC has been broken for a month or more and I've called maintenance a few times about it but they're still not here. I called again this morning so I'm really hoping they come fix it. It's been between 75°-80° inside our apartment since it got warm outside. It would be warmer, but we've been leaving the door and window open to get some sort of circulation.

I'm afraid to turn the oven/stove on to cook anything, which makes for really shitty meals. I had microwaved canned soup for lunch today. I hate not being able to cook actual food. I'm going to get enough packaged shit on the trip, I don't want to start that terrible diet now. 

It's starting to drive me mad, but at least maybe it'll help make me get used to being in the heat without wanting to die. ha. I'm terrified that the trip will be a miserable sweaty nightmare if you were wondering.

We're not really getting very far with getting rid of everything we own. I've been playing with space bags trying to see what all I can fit in them, though. So that's been a fun distraction. My next bit of wasting time will be seeing if I can shape them as I'm sucking the air out. Maybe I'll take a picture and show you how it turns out since I'm sure you're all very excited about the possibilities!

Also, my hair grows stupid fast and I need a haircut already. Now I'm remembering why I let it grow back out last time. Hair maintenance is an expensive bitch.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Memorial Tattoo

I've decided I really want to get some sort of tattoo as a memorial type thing for all my pregnancy losses. I've been trying to come up with some sort of design, but I'm not having much luck. I was wanting to do something with the Safkas from Ilomilo, but I can't seem to come up with a design that I like. So now I'm on balloons floating away or something. I don't know. Maybe a bouquet of balloons?

I just seem to be having a really hard time after this last loss. I've lost 4 babies in less than a year. I really should have given it more time between pregnancies but I thought I would be okay. Clearly I was wrong. I was hoping that with the move I would be able to distract myself, but that doesn't seem to be working much either. I'm just stressing myself out more.

Having to find new doctors and get records transferred and having to explain myself and my history. I could definitely do without having to explain my history to a bunch of new doctors. But maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will be able to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me and why my uterus hates babies so much.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

3 am

It's almost 3am and I'm sick of not being able to sleep. I'm exhausted, I should be able to sleep. It's fucked up.

In other news, I'm finally not sick! So amazing to actually feel like doing things again. Oh, and I've officially paid off ALL of my medical bills. I currently have zero debt and it's amazing. It's going to be so awesome to be able to move and have a legitimately fresh start. I was really worried I wouldn't be able to manage it since we decided to move early, but we did! I'm very proud of us for that.

As for us moving, I'm beginning to get overwhelmed. So much is going to need to happen all at once when it comes time to leave. Plus, once we get there it's going to be a rush to look for places and get jobs so we can actually sign a lease somewhere because no one wants to lease to people that don't have jobs. I think right now the plan is to stay at an extended stay hotel for a couple weeks while we get things in place. So that will just add to the adventure of it all. haha.

So far we only have one or two places we plan to visit between Indiana and Oregon and we really need to come up with more ideas. I'm definitely stopping to see my friend in CA, but that will be the last stop before heading to Portland. We may or may not visit the Grand Canyon. Something about visiting AZ in May just seems like certain death. We'll see how the weather is, but we'll probably just suck it up and go since neither of us have been.