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Friday, March 27, 2015

It's Spring!

Well, it's finally spring! The sunshine is killing me. I was really hoping for more overcast/cloudy days when we moved here. Oh well! Still better than the feet of snow in the winter and heat and humidity in the summer!

So the Abilify was a bust. It didn't seem to help much and it caused some really bad edema in my left leg/foot. I never really got to see if it would help or not. So I'm back to the higher dose of Haldol while we wait. I'm not sure I want to bother adding anything else right now. Is it even worth it? I mean, the Haldol works, it just makes me blah. And that's even getting better now that I've been taking it longer. Plus it doesn't make me gain weight like so many others do.

My bigger concern is that I'm hoping to get pregnant soon and when I do I'll be going off my meds altogether because I'm not willing to take those risks.

Speaking of getting pregnant, I will be scheduling my saline sonohystogram soon and once that gets done we can hopefully either figure out what's going on or just try and see what happens. I've got to get lucky eventually, right? Ugh. That sounds awful. But I want a kid so fucking bad.

As terrified as I am that it might ever be a reality, I still want a kid. My life just seems so empty right now. I love having the kids from the neighborhood over. I love it more than I can explain. Watching Blake play with them and teach them things and how he interacts with them. *sigh* It's what I want more than anything else in the world.

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